I had my tea with a puffy layer of cream yesterday afternoon. After a while, after I had opted for the plain old mineral water almost everywhere I went, I was met with a shocking sugar rush moment. Drawn into the blurred idea of what I had and had not done, I became more comfortable in realizing that I could always say, "So what?" if something didn't go according to the grand plan. The feeling of settling in—at life, at work, at the environment—even if it's only the start—made me feel bolder than before.
My post-tea sugar rush list was more or less like this: Be more friendly to a stranger. Join a book club. Buy a self-help book. Be more confident in front of people I'm not so close with. Stop worrying too much. Relearn Chinese. Buy a guitar. Learn how to play it. Go on a hike. Experience a wall-climbing game with a friend. Learn how to bake. Finish all seasons of How I Met Your Mother this month. Make all the above happen.
I'm more than aware that my list is not at all dramatic. To claim that it was made during a sudden sugar intake might feel like a bit of a stretch, but I tend to start with something small, sugar rush or not. While I'm not the kind of person who makes spelling out resolutions a habit during new-year time, it feels admittedly refreshing to have a list of what to accomplish in the near future. Most importantly, it keeps me energized and motivated, something I'm very much needed right now, which seems oddly similar to the feeling of a sugar rush.
With that, I'm going to keep in mind how the two mutually connect. Sometimes in life, there are times when you hesitate and wonder what is it that is ahead of you. Your confidence stutters in fright because like it or not courage comes and goes; we humans are prone to wavering and insecurity. After this drink, I decided that it would get better with a constant reminder that all we need to overcome the commotion is an injection of figurative sweeteners. A sugar rush to hijack the doubt out of us. A reminder that we only get to live once and so we have to make the best out of the chances we get.
Now, the million-dollar question is, does keeping a mental note of what to do evokes more desire to actually make it happen? Honestly, I'm not sure all the above will come to fruition. I used to take a two-times-a-week Chinese course when I was a kid but years of not practicing the language make a decade's worth of lessons a bit fruitless—I think I only remember the basics now and unfortunately, the idea of starting over doesn't sit well with me. My sister used to lend me her ukulele for practices—now that I have moved to a busier work environment, watching Youtube videos at night feels more like a better choice to wind down than any other thing; so long, my guitar skill. I always consider self-help books important to pick up at least once in a lifetime—alas I keep on sleeping on a non-fiction book.
Quoting the earlier catchphrase, so what? My point is, the list will probably keep being only a list. You won't find me baking a cake just like you won't see me in a book club or a random trip to Semeru. But the need of wanting to do something bold, the rush that propels me to live life to the fullest, is the switch I'm apparently looking for. It's like a flash of remembrance that passes during a split-second hesitation before I choose to do something out of character. The unspeakable adrenaline that makes me go, "Let's do this," without putting as much consideration. The tingling sensation that turns me bolder, braver, and dauntless. The sugar rush moment.
Maybe I will hate the aftereffect. Maybe I won't. But trying to live in the moment instead of worrying too much about the approaching life events teaches me something valuable: why not gamble on something harmless? You win—you get to enjoy the little things in life. You lose—you get one funny misfortune story to tell during your happier days. It's life. Remind yourself that it's better to be bolder sometimes rather than playing safe all the time. You've just got to turn on the switch, have your own sugar rush moment, and deal with it.
